Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
