the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
