i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
