hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm passing your future prison.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
