i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
