Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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