put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
nutella sex= disaster
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
