You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I need moral support for this bender
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
