toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I need to stop coming to work sober
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
