how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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