Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
