planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
high people should be assigned attendants
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
