the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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