Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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