At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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