It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
