he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
