Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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