Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
