Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
