You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
