It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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