You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
