She said her name was "party"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
