Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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