come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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