She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
