Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
