I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
