my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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