i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My penis needs a shock collar
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
