After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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