idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
