we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
