Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
