yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
