I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
