We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
