Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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