From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
