The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
