I got her a Nickelback box set.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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