Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
