2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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