Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
