I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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