bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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