Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
