the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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