Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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