I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize