I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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