Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize