My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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