This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
