This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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