i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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