I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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