I CAN MOONWALK!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
