Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
