Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
