no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
