Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
