sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
