Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i think i just lost a toe
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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