he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
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I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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