i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm really busy with my period
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