Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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