I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
