Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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