her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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