Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
