So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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