Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
