Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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