wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
