True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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