God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
