Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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