We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
