Whod you bang
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
