You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
